Only the Truth and truthfulness...

I heard Sara Groves quote Bonhoeffer a few months ago saying, "Only the Truth and truthfulness can save us now." That kept coming to mind as D. talked about 1 John chapter 1. He kept making the point that God is trying to restore this real 'oneness' and 'participation' in one another and the only way to do that is to really connect to Jesus Christ who is from the Father who is Light and in whom there is no "darkness at all".

This week I've also been thinking about how it is impossible to be in a meaningful relationship with a liar. In a way, you never actually have an opportunity to make contact with the real person- all you will ever encounter are the lies they present. So lies make meaningful relationship impossible since actual human heart communication never happens. It's like walking into a clear glass door every time you attempt to approach that person, you only ever meet the lie that stands between you.

But God is not this way, he is not a liar- there is no darkness in Him at all. He never manipulates us or tricks us or abuses us. This means we can truly make contact with him. But it does hinder our own relationship with him when we fail to be honest in return. So he's always telling us the Truth and calling us to live in truthfulness with him and each other. He's always calling us to stop clinging to and walking in darkness, to stop being dishonest with ourselves and others. D. had a lot of good to say about how powerful self-deception really is - and the way it separates us from others.

I had a conversation with Blake on the road last week about honesty and my own cultural training. I sometimes feel that the majority of what I learned as "proper and beneficial social behavior" is something closer to walking in darkness. What I mean is, I need to learn to tell the difference between true kindness in love toward others and my own desire to 'manage other's responses' by putting on a show of some sort. Usually, I can manage pretty well socially because I've learned all the tricks of the trade- the trade being something like making people feel good so they'll like me and therefore make me feel good.

I feel like I'm walking on the edge of bitterness, but what I really want is to learn to really trust people and treat them with truthfulness and real kindness. I want to become someone that others can truly make contact with, like my God. How can I be honest and kind? How can I truly integrate Love and Truth in a way that makes real relationship possible.

Suddenly, it occurs to me that honest prayer is somewhere at the center of the whole deal. Also, confession to safe people that I trust makes the need to hide myself and use others to make myself feel good wither. I need to hear God speak the Truth about me ( exposing my own dark places), and realize His love (that covers them), and start practicing (over and over) being honest instead of carefully (even subconsciously?) maneuvering relationships to secure my own comfort.

I love the idea of really beginning to make actual heart-contact in relationship. I hate the idea of being supremely sociable and to have never been honest enough to actually know or be known by another human being. It seems that God really desires to lead us in his ways, to learn to walk in the Light, just like he is in the light. If we can get that honest without being bitter, but be filled with the humble love of Jesus, it makes sense that we really could have that fellowship with God and one another that the Father has worked so hard to achieve.

Is this making sense? What would you add or change? Keep me sharp. your brother matthew